if I don’t speak, I’m not a foreigner
when I speak, I become the one who doesn’t know, who doesn’t know how to talk like everybody talks here
the speech differentiates, it’s a single strength, it’s a trap for the self
traps the self
…
in one word, to speak, it’s to give an intimate, a self accent to the language
imé here is
egy év one year
imé here is
egy év ráadásul one year more
ma most today now
és naponta and every day
naponta every day
naponta every day
egy év ráadásul one year more
ez az that’s it
kesz it’s done
ez így it’s like that
naponta kesz így every day it’s done like that
ez az that’s it
így like that
egy év még égyszer one year one more time
is ma today also
már ma already today
kesz it’s done
és semmi and nothing
semmi más(ik) and nothing else
ma most today now
obviously, it can’t be that, how could it be
how
a text
there is something possible and maybe also monstrous
a word, a couple of words, three words are the right ones and are they ?
at this stage, it’s a babbling gügyögés
what’s at stake is to work there ott in that destitution of my writing írás
to space out my writing írás tested by that language
to unbuild from my side and there ott (i.e. here itt)
the present state doesn’t have any here or there se itt se ott or nem itt nem ott
and probably it’s not enough
when that question will no matter, will happen the deciding. when a mutual space will be approached and wide enough to allow some movement.
for the moment, the writing, if I can define those attempts by that word, only allows brief incursions. brief, hard, uncertain, raw
it’s close to what translations deal with, but with a major difference : here I write directly in hungarian
I keep what I intend to say under the surface of my conscience, when it’s still a possibility, and look for the hungarian word or set of words (in memory, in poems, in dictionnary…
the less I have spotted / I know restricts and in the same time allows to widen lign after lign the scope szabad yes, to widen the common ground
ma most today now
semmi másik illik nothing else possible
se holnap se tegnap neither yesterday nor tomorrow
semmi másik nem lehet nothing else is possible ?
nem lehet it is not possible
màs nem lehet an other thing is not possible
ma, nem neither today
tegnap, nem nor yesterday
holnap, nem nor tomorrow
nem lehet that is not possible
there will always be that matter of distance
the one from where I work with the here
to face and to assess
what I want to say / write ír, there, here ott, itt in this way
from there where I am vagyok and from where they are vannak
which common ground ?
to tell oneself that the only possible action, at that very moment, is in writing, in the moment of writing in that emerging zone
the first action is this one, the writing írás. for that, the city space is a dynamic, and everything I get through walking, stopped, moving, etc. everything contributes to the loneliness (sensory box), so to the work and, in the same time, gives energy to meet the Other. opens the self to the Other…
NB :
for the moment nothing in common between what I read and what I hear
on that 6th day, the link stays uncertain, totally unusual
beeing immersed here, to think that everyone speaks differently, everyone says in a different manner the words, pronounce vowels, words… in his own way
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